We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
