She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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