I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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