i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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