Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
