you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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