I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
