Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
