Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
