Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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