me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
