So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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