im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
