Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
