Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think i have two assholes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
