who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize