Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
