I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
