I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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