why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
