i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
