Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
