Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
