Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
