I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i would punch a child for taco bell
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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