Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
