Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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