My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
