Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
