remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
