i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
