My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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