I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
