Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Plan B is the new Plan A
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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