I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My feet surprised me
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