OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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