She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
