My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
