so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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