don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The Olympian is in my bed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
