So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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