I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
