if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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