Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just had sex on a roof
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
