I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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