Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
