There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
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