also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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