Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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