They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
