Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
