I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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