I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
