Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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