she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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