I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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