I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
