Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
