I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
