my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
