you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
