Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
