The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
