you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
