Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
