I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
