did you get engaged???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
