Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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