it was like eating out sand paper
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
