I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
